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Author Topic: Post some good jokes here!!!!  (Read 117922 times)

Offline Krandall

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Re: Post some good jokes here!!!!
« Reply #2580 on: March 05, 2017, 12:36:43 AM »
A wife comes home late one night, She quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"


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Offline Krandall

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Re: Post some good jokes here!!!!
« Reply #2581 on: March 07, 2017, 08:40:40 AM »
A father watched his young daughter as she played in the garden. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.
Suddenly she stopped and stared at the ground. The father went over to her to see what had captured her attention.
He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those spiders doing?" she asked. "They’re mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top?" "That’s a Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl thought for a moment. "So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" she asked.
The father's heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question. He laughed, and then replied, "No sweetheart. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and stomped the spiders flat. "Well, we’re not having any of that gay shit in our garden."


 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


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Offline Peelz

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Re: Post some good jokes here!!!!
« Reply #2582 on: March 07, 2017, 08:50:45 AM »
A father watched his young daughter as she played in the garden. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.
Suddenly she stopped and stared at the ground. The father went over to her to see what had captured her attention.
He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those spiders doing?" she asked. "They’re mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top?" "That’s a Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl thought for a moment. "So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" she asked.
The father's heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question. He laughed, and then replied, "No sweetheart. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and stomped the spiders flat. "Well, we’re not having any of that gay shit in our garden."


 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:  x2
Krandall: "peelz. I'll be real with you. As much as I hate on you for soccer, I really don't mind it"


Offline Krandall

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Re: Post some good jokes here!!!!
« Reply #2583 on: March 29, 2017, 07:13:58 AM »
So there was this professional assassin that charged $10,000 per bullet.
A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges $10,000 a bullet?"
"Yup."
"What if you miss?"
He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss..."
"Okay, we'll I've got $20,000. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They're at the motel together right now."
"Let's go," the assassin says.
So they drive to a store across the street from the motel and climb up on the roof. The assassin takes out his rifle and attaches the scope.
"They're in room 21. I want you to shoot her in the head, and I want you to blow his dick off."
The assassin looks through his scope. He keeps staring for several minutes, not taking the shot.
"Well? What are you waiting for!?" the husband asks.
"Hold on a minute. I think I can save you $10,000."


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Offline Peelz

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Re: Post some good jokes here!!!!
« Reply #2584 on: March 29, 2017, 09:12:30 AM »
:rofl:
Krandall: "peelz. I'll be real with you. As much as I hate on you for soccer, I really don't mind it"


Offline Krandall

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Re: Post some good jokes here!!!!
« Reply #2585 on: April 17, 2017, 09:36:05 AM »
A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder.
He reached a cloud, upon which was sitting a rather plump and very ugly woman.
"Screw me or climb the ladder to success," she said.
No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye.
"Screw me hard or climb the ladder to success," she said.
"Well," thought the man, "might as well carry on."
On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was quite attractive.
"Screw me now or climb the ladder to success," she fluttered.
As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went. On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot.
"FERK me or climb the ladder to success," she flirted.
Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decided to climb again. When he reached the next cloud, there was a 400-pound ugly man, armpit hair showing, flies buzzing around his head.
"Who are you?" the man asked.
"Hello," said the ugly fat man said, "my name is Cess!"


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Offline Krandall

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Re: Post some good jokes here!!!!
« Reply #2586 on: April 27, 2017, 12:28:50 PM »
A man walks into a bar...
The bartender asks "Why the long face?"
The man replies "I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death."
The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry I can't help you kill yourself."
The man asks "Well what would you do in my situation?"
The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says "If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I'd kill the guy."
The man jumps up from his stool and shouts "That's a great idea! Thanks!" and runs out of the bar.
A couple hours goes by and the bartender is starting to get nervous when the man walks back into the bar with a smile on his face.
"Did you kill the guy?" The bartender asks nervously.
"Nope! I slept with your wife. Whiskey please."


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Offline Peelz

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Re: Post some good jokes here!!!!
« Reply #2587 on: June 26, 2017, 10:58:58 AM »
what is the difference between a catholic priest and acne?














acne at least waits until your 13 to come on your face.


 :conceit:







Krandall: "peelz. I'll be real with you. As much as I hate on you for soccer, I really don't mind it"


Offline Hefe

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Re: Post some good jokes here!!!!
« Reply #2588 on: June 26, 2017, 10:59:59 AM »
:lol: ERMAHGERD

Offline Krandall

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Re: Post some good jokes here!!!!
« Reply #2589 on: June 26, 2017, 12:04:58 PM »
O_______O



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Offline Peelz

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Re: Post some good jokes here!!!!
« Reply #2590 on: June 28, 2017, 03:00:03 PM »
whats the difference between a whore and a onion?



























I dont cry when Im chopping up a whore.
Krandall: "peelz. I'll be real with you. As much as I hate on you for soccer, I really don't mind it"


Offline Hefe

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Re: Post some good jokes here!!!!
« Reply #2591 on: June 28, 2017, 03:52:45 PM »
wife has been hinting around that she'd like be woke up with Oral Sex....
so I tried it..





imagine my surprise when she mumbles.... "Get that fuckin thing outta my mouth!"

Offline Krandall

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Re: Post some good jokes here!!!!
« Reply #2592 on: June 29, 2017, 07:29:24 AM »
wife has been hinting around that she'd like be woke up with Oral Sex....
so I tried it..





imagine my surprise when she mumbles.... "Get that fuckin thing outta my mouth!"


:rofl:

for have a sec, I forgot what thread I was in :rofl:

:rofl:
:rofl:


was thinkin it was srs at first  :rofl:


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Offline Peelz

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Re: Post some good jokes here!!!!
« Reply #2593 on: June 29, 2017, 08:07:34 AM »
hahaha all that being said....

that is BY FAR, the ABSOLUTE best way to wake up.

 :clap:
Krandall: "peelz. I'll be real with you. As much as I hate on you for soccer, I really don't mind it"


Offline Hefe

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Re: Post some good jokes here!!!!
« Reply #2594 on: June 29, 2017, 08:39:41 AM »
:shrug:  .. she didn't care for it....
I think her mouth guard was in the way